what is wrong with me?

I don't feel like myself. Can anyone really feel like his or herself if they don't know themselves? You can't know yourself - it's futile to try, to be honest. Have you ever felt that you're nothing among billions of people? Maybe at night, you've looked up to the sky and you've seen all of the stars with Jupiter in the distance... it's a humbling feeling, isn't it? You just feel like a small speck that is completely alone. This seems emotional, I know, but it's just what I'm feeling at the moment.

I don't feel like I'm going to get anywhere in life. I'll end up being the lady on your street corner that has three kids named Laquita, Shalawna, and Earl that sells foodstamps and always has some kind of awful story to tell you about her life. I don't want this to happen, but at the same time, I feel that I somehow deserve it. I don't know why I feel this way, but maybe I committed some heinous crime before I was born. It would make sense, actually, if I didn't think about it too much.

I do feel like I expect too much out of people, however. A lot of things that I don't need or whatever are things that I guess I took for granted and then they never were given... no one likes that feeling, do they? (I love how my iPod just switched to the song from 'The Land Before Time'). Anyway, I'm selfish, or I feel that way. I want too much, I talk too much, I just do too much. Sometimes I think I should just get up and leave. I'd go west, and someday, maybe one day, I'd reach the Pacific Ocean.

What is wrong with me?

Why do I keep second-guessing myself?

Why do I work so hard to get what I want and then never actually get it?

Why are all these things happening to me? What did I do to deserve it?

Why can't I make one damn decision about my life or what I want?

Christmas, I thought, was a time when people were brought together... I'd rather be alone.